Help! I'm trapped on Schrodinger's runaway train! Or am I..? | 1/17/2020 | Staff
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Something for the Weekend, Sir? Sitting in my tin can far away from home, I marvel that I got here at all.

No, not a tin can. It's a budget hotel room with lots of space, which is an oddity. Apparently, even in cheap lodgings they still maintain a room wider than one's outstretched arms – the backpacker digs' equivalent of a royal suite (i.e. with its own bucket) – and I'm in it. And it's all down to an app on my smartphone.

Suckers - Customer - Loyalty - Schemes - Hours

You see, I am one of those suckers who agree to join customer loyalty schemes and occupy my rare free hours of wake-time counting up reward points and devising intricate and acrobatically inconvenient schemes for claiming them back. Although I am far from being a globe-trotter, one of these loyalty schemes is for a hotel chain.

Luckily for me, they have a low-cost brand. They use it to enhance the contrast with their mainstream luxury boutique hotels for the well-heeled and terminally pathetic. Best of all, the cost of a budget hotel room after reward discounts is way cheaper than Airbnb, with the added bonus of not having to pick other guests' pubes out of the shower drain, share toilet paper or be kept awake all night by strangers' floorboard-vibrating bed farts.

Airbnb - Properties - Community - Hotel - Shares

And don't believe all that rot about Airbnb properties being more "local" (what does that even mean?) or "integrated into the community". My hotel shares a wall with one of the city's principal mosques, so speaking as a Christened half-Jewish pagan, I feel integrated. Its almost-consecrated location might also explain the hotel's choice of brand for the bathroom fittings.

Just a wave of my customer loyalty smartphone app was enough at the reception desk to ensure I was rewarded the best room in the house. That's just as well...
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