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Losing a child while pregnant was the most confusing experience of my life. The conflict of emotions from what was pure joy turned to guilt and terror overnight. How could I love this baby the way I loved Emmy? Was it okay to love this baby the way I loved Emmy? It felt like by loving my son, I was trying to replace her. The fear of birthing my son and what that meant .....a monumental step forward....proof that time continued without her when all I wanted was for time to stop. But let me say this....I couldn’t have been more wrong. Easton provided us an even closer bond to his sister. The moment I heard his cry, something sparked back alive in my soul. Hope. Love. I’m not sure. But in that moment, I knew I was Mom and my kids deserved the world from me. Everything was going to be okay. My joy and grief could coexist. Now, I can actually say with joy and excitement that we are expecting identical twin boys. From the day I met my husband, he has always said he wanted identical twin boys born on his birthday. We are due on the lucky day/angel number of 11/11 which is not far off from @millerbode Birthday of 10/12. From the beginning of this pregnancy, we knew Emmy had her hands in this miracle somehow.