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I felt utterly defeated. I prayed, I read the Bible, and I quoted Scripture. I tried all the preacher tricks I knew, but I could not get free from the grip of pornography. In desperation, I fasted for three days and actually got some relief. I stayed porn-free for two months, but then relapsed and slipped right back into the same habit pattern. It was killing my spirit.
I was the pastor of a growing church, preaching the Word, baptizing new Christians, leading Bible studies, and ministering sacraments. After a year of living a duplicitous life filled with lies, frustration, and torment, I finally confessed to my staff and to the elders of our church. I fully expected to be fired. This was 1999, when people didn’t know what to do with pastors who confessed these kinds of sins.
Look - Elders - Guidance - Termination
I could tell by the shocked and disappointed look on their faces that the elders didn’t know what to do either. I told them that I would submit to whatever guidance they gave me, up to and including my termination.
Without a doubt, it was the most humiliating day of my life, but I cannot describe the power of that confession. The utter relief of having this dark secret out in the light was extraordinary. I’ve never felt anything like it before or since....
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When will they ever learn?