Returning to My First Love

(in)courage | 9/16/2019 | Staff
townskey13 (Posted by) Level 3
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Bored. Unmotivated. Apathetic. Tired. Fearful. Hopeless. Sound familiar?

I don’t where this season came from. But it is here in full effect. I was Voxing with a friend recently, and I told her I was feeling blah these days. I am not super depressed. I’d say I have been feeling a low dose of it. I’m a bit anxious. There are no specific reasons or big life happenings going on. I have just been in a general state of anxiety. My mind races about all the things. And I have been taking naps every chance I can get. I wake up tired and go to sleep exhausted.

Process - Rhythms - Life - Nothing

I’m not sure why. I’m in the process of trying to learn better rhythms in my life. I am not good at resting, really resting. I don’t mean doing nothing. I think I do that fairly well.

As I am growing in this practice, I realized this fall it’ll be twenty years since I met Christ — two whole decades. That blows me away! Where did all of that time go? Where is the girl who had one day realized she was a sinner in need of a Savior one minute and found herself a righteous daughter of God the next? What happened to all of that joy and excitement of meeting Jesus and falling in love with Him?

Something - Person - None - Ways

I think I misplaced her or maybe I lost her. Maybe she was taken. But something happened to her. I am not the same person I was then. None of us are. I have changed for the better, but in some ways I haven’t really changed.

I heard about this lead pastor in California who every year tells the first-year students of his church’s school of ministry that he’s excited they’ve sacrificed to be in school. Then he tells...
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