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There is a new trend in politics that’s a hit with all the kids. It’s been around for a while, but was never really as popular as it is right now. So, in the interest of science, I’ve decided to hop on “The Squad” train and try thinking like a progressive member of Congress. How hard could it be?
I was driving to the grocery store the other day and the person in the left turn lane ahead of me did not turn when there was clearly enough room for him to go. I sat there, angry, and then I asked myself, “What would Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez do?” Then it all came together.
Consecration - Guard - Front - Racist - Oppression
Whoever this consecration camp guard in front of me was, he was clearly a racist. I was driving, so I couldn’t tweet about my oppression; I had to settle for yelling, “C’mon, man, stop being RACIST!” out the window. This only seemed to confuse the guy. Then I it occurred to me that the person driving that gave the appearance of a balding middle-aged man might not identify as a man. The government, I thought, should require people to put their preferred pronouns on bumper stickers so no one mis-genders them while cursing them out.
Once inside the store, things did not improve.
Woman - Avocados - Appropriation - Eye - Point
I couldn’t help but notice a white woman buying avocados. Cultural appropriation much? I shot her the evil eye. It didn’t deter her from buying four, but I think my point was made.
Well, I thought my point was made. Later, I saw her with tortilla chips and salsa in her basket too. I hate crime, right there in the chip aisle. Did I mention she was white? She should stick to potato chips!
No one else seemed bothered, which made it all the more difficult to take. I felt like...
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