JAN MOIR: Hey you pagan eco pixies, here are ten things you SHOULD protest about

Mail Online | 4/19/2019 | Jan Moir for the Daily Mail
fofo (Posted by) Level 3
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What are you rebelling about? Whaddya got? The London demonstrators are infuriating for many reasons, but mostly because of the very vague nature of their protestations.

They want to restore nature and the upcycling economy — whassat all about? — while making us all consume less steak, milk, petrol, air travel, Easter eggs, pop sox, killer bacon and electricity.

Hogwash - Pie - Sky - Side - Order

All very admirable, if rather organic hogwash pie in the sky, with a side order of babble and squeak. And if things are as bad as the pagan pixies claim, surely we are all doomed anyway?

Look, kids. If you insist upon bringing London to a halt, here are ten things that really are worth protesting about. They make me fume, at any rate.

People - People - Shopping - Seat - Bus

People drive me insane. People who put their shopping on the seat next to them on the bus. People who eat crisps in the cinema.

People who can't applaud in a theatre without also shouting whoop, whoop, like constipated seals who've just discovered the joy of a boiled rhubarb enema.

People - Music - Night - People - Smoking

People who play loud music late at night. People who vape and think that it's not as offensive as smoking, before enveloping you in a cloud of Sour Cinnamon fumes as if they are doing you a favour.

People who recline seats on flights. People who are rude to shop assistants and restaurant staff.

Companies - Trial - Subscriptions - Companies - Compensation

Companies who offer free trial subscriptions and then make it hard for you to cancel them. Companies who lavishly advertise compensation schemes, then make it difficult for you to claim compensation.

Also companies who ask if you want an email receipt when all they want to do is get your electronic address and harvest your data.

Companies - Parents

Companies who cold-call my octogenarian parents to harass and plague them because they believe them to be vulnerable and susceptible. There is a...
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