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First thing’s first: we were promised SEVEN new cast members and we are only delivered a paltry FOUR in this first episode of season 17.
Having said that, by the end of it, four is probably enough. Especially when we see the pair they’ve saved for next week...
Girl - Cast - Order - Dominance - Sophie
Anyway: If you weren’t aware, there is a French girl amongst the new cast. In order to assert her dominance, Sophie has donned a red beret so she can walk across a bridge in it and make things crystal clear that she is the AE (Alpha European) of the cast.
Meanwhile, French woman Maeva (not Binchy) is arriving in London, checking herself into a posh hotel and making sure EVERYONE knows she is foreign. A ‘merci’ here, a ‘bonjour’ there. A ‘voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir’ to the hotel receptionist.
Girl - Miles - Ex - Years - Marriage
Turns out this girl is Miles’ ex who he lived with for three years and talked about marriage and kids with. Even though they are both literally 21 or whatever. As Miles explains to James at the Bluebird (after greeting him as if they’ve not seen each other for 17 months despite always being at the gym together on Instagram Stories) Maeva likes to get in the bath and invite Miles over to pop her cork.
It’s just sex though, he explains. That’s what YOU think Miles. As the words spill from his mouth, Maeva is on the phone to her mama, telling her that she is ‘very happy and can’t wait to tell Miles’ that she is moving to London. We know she is saying this because subtitles are provided, which is something we never get when Mark Francis is having a rant in Italian on the phone...
Angus - Bar - Order - Bloody - Marys
Angus (new) goes to a bar to order two Bloody Marys. Habbs happens to be there too...
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