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I spent my teenage years with a mystery disease. From age thirteen to seventeen I went in and out of doctor’s offices insisting to various doctors that I generally didn’t feel good. I was tired. I was sore. I wanted to sleep all day. I was low grade nauseous a lot. I just didn’t feel good. It was hard and confusing and when the doctor couldn’t find anything wrong with my gut, my muscles, my thyroid, or whatever else they were testing for, they would tell my mother it must be in my head.
I wasn’t really sick if they didn’t know why. I needed to get over it. I needed to move on. I needed to act according to their expectations instead of my reality.
Doctors - Experience - Body - Answers - People
You may not be surprised to know I still don’t love doctors. They make me nervous and I am not always sure they will hear or believe the experience I am having in my own body. Yes I needed answers, but more I needed people with power to believe me. I still don’t like the smell of hospitals and doctors’ offices. It makes me feel out of control.
Triggers are funny like that. They don’t always make sense, and they sometimes surprise you. You don’t always know your own so it is impossible to know anyone else’s.
Couple - Weeks - Tired - Things - Things
I have had a rough couple of weeks. I am just. So. Tired. Things that shouldn’t be hard are hard. Things that I roll my eyes for other people complaining about, I am suddenly realizing that maybe they weren’t whining. Maybe these things ARE really hard they just were not hard for me … yet. Turns out I needed to be more gentle with my colleagues. When they told me they were triggered and I wasn’t, I decided it was because...
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